I can tell when something's just not right.   And, right now.  Something's just not right. How can I tell? My heart is racing, my stomach is turning, and there's a bubble in my throat that makes it difficult for me to breathe.   Have you ever felt nauseous in your throat?  Almost like, you've done something terrible, but you don't know what it is? That's how I feel right now.  That's what my anxiety feels like.  And, a lot of the time I don't know why. People closest to me know that I was diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) in the 6th grade, and have struggled with...

There it is--I'm turning Thirty tomorrow morning. I've spent many of my early years counting down the days until my birthday.  Not so patiently waiting for my own copy of Beauty & The Beast and my friends to play pin the tail on the donkey, before smashing some ice-cream cake. And I've spent some years anticipating new found freedoms. Like driving a car, smoking a cigarette, and ordering a glass of wine on my own.  Though, I've spent a good portion of my life dreading my birthday.  Mainly because something always seemed to go wrong, and my birthday wish never seemed to come true. But, this year is different for many...

  The part of my story I am sharing with you is about my experience with being the daughter of a mom who suffered with extreme mental illness and addictions. I remember thinking I could fix her.  And, I thought if I got her Cascade dishwasher soap that promised the dishes would be sparkling clean, she would smile as big as the ladies on the commercials. But, we didn't even have a dishwasher.  I was six years old and just knew I wanted her to be happy. [caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Heather as a baby with her mother[/caption] When I was in college and had some of my own money,...

I can remember it like it was yesterday. The day that my mother told me that my sweet, big brother Anthony was killed in Iraq. I had just returned home early from a Cedar Point trip with my friends. We were going to stay one more night, but my friends mother kept saying "We really need to get home, We really need to get back."  In hind sight I remember my mom sounding sad on the phone the night before, but she said she was just tired. We pulled up to my house and my mother met us outside. She gave my friends mom a really...

Is it just me or do others put off important things that don't result in quick gratification?  I put off writing this story because writing does't come easy for me; I have difficulty sitting quietly and reflecting. But, I made the commitment to write this story.  I just kept putting it off each day. That's how I handled my weight too.  I kept putting it off.  Honestly I didn't eat that much--I could go until 2 and without eating anything.  I would tell myself their must be something medically wrong, or I'll eat better tomorrow. I remember one time Last April when my 10 year old granddaughter, Chloe, told her...

We’ve actually touched on this before, but figured we could revisit.   Quality time. This past weekend, my husband and I spur of the moment (kind-of), decided to go out of town.  And, it made me extremely anxious to leave the girls for the first time.  Also, extremely anxious to do something spur of the moment.  I’m a “Type A-plan ahead” kinda gal. The last time my husband and I went away together out of state was when I was 5-months-pregnant.  We stayed at a bed and breakfast and played  the board game Life far too many times. And, I complained the entire way up a mountain. We...

The moment he was brought home, wrapped in towels, and cold to the core was a moment I will never forget. Zachary was surrounded by neighborhood children that were helping him walk his frozen body home.  I opened the door to see his tear stained face and listening to his sobs, “I am so sorry. I was so stupid. I am so sorry. My curiosity got the best of me. I am so sorry.” It was like the entire sky broke into a million shards of glass and came crashing down around me. My greatest fear was realized. Our sweet child had not heeded 6...

When is a good time to panic? Today I had a couple moments where panic manifested itself, in short order. The first moment, was hearing of an ‘active shooter’ at The Ohio State University.  I don’t think I’ve ever been in a 20 mile radius of anything like this, have you?  (And this was my thought when we were first hearing the news). Sure, we’ve heard about incidents in various other states-- and have prayed for those families, or changed our Facebook profile pictures.   But never has an incident like this been so close to “home.”  The Ohio State.  That’s our “home-base.”  Right? Elizabeth and I were driving down...